Even if it had been her suggestion to call them, this is torture. Absolute fucking torture, and as Klaus dials she's tempted to just reach over and hang up. She can't do this. How can they do this?
But then Claire answers the phone, and she can hear Patrick behind her, and it disarms her in a way that she knew it would but still takes her by complete surprise. Her vision blurs from relief, from happiness, from complete and utter helplessness at the fact that they are here and not there, and it's as if she forgets how to breathe.
Hi, baby, she tries to say unconsciously, instinct kicking in before she can even think about it, because it's how she would greet her if these were regular circumstances. Her voice would be fond, warm. Happy. She would playfully remind her it's getting late, she should be getting ready for bed while Claire thoroughly ignored her and told her about all the fun she's having with Daddy, and Allison would smile through her daughter's tales of everything they've been doing the last few days. Because, she already knows, Patrick is spoiling her, trying to keep her entertained and trying to overcompensate for the fact that she's missing two of her favorite people.
There's nothing, though. There is no greeting that she can give, no conversation she can make. No connection she can make with her own daughter. There's no gentle teasing, no asking her how her day is going, what they have been up to. There are so many things she wants to tell her, so many things she wants to say, and ask, and she can't. She doesn't have a voice, and there's not enough time in the world for everything she wants to say, anyway. How can you fit a lifetime worth of moments in just a few minutes?
When she asks about her, Allison has to look away, looking like she might crumble right on the spot. She can hear Claire sighing, before her little voice perks up as she reminds Klaus to give her mommy some soup and tea, just how she had that time that she had been under the weather, and Allison can already picture Patrick in the background. Trying to not look concerned in front of Claire, but his brow furrowing in a way that would give him away if she looked past the smile on his lips.
There's no time for reassurances, though. They're on borrowed time. They need to stop Vanya. They need to try to stop the apocalypse, if they want to get back to that little girl on the other end of the phone.
'Please tell her I love her,' she writes, her hands shaking slightly. From the heartbreak, from the grief of it all. From the deep sense of longing she's being hit with as her arms ache for her daughter, and the realization that if they don't stop this tonight, she will never be able to hold her again. 'And I'm sorry, for not being there tonight to hug her, and sing to her, and read her a bedtime story, but we'll be back soon. And I can't wait to hold her again.'
She almost feels sick at the reminder that it might not be true, that they may never be back. This might all end tonight, but right now she just needs to cling to the belief that maybe they can make it because the alternative is unbearable to even consider.
"Ooh, yes, tea and soup would be the perfect solution."
Klaus squeezes Allison's shoulder, but he doesn't look at her face. He can't. He know the moment he sees her that his resolve will break, and he's grateful, in a way, that it's Claire who's answered the phone. This conversation can't go on forever, after all, even if neither of them want to stop hearing the soft, sweet voice of the girl on the other side.
If they don't stop Vanya, save Vanya, the world might end and that little voice will be silenced forever.
"Oh, but Claire-bear, she wanted me to tell you just how much she loves you though. Remember the big, wide ocean we saw at Mr. Tony's house? She loves you ten times more than that. What?" He pauses, listening to the other line, and laughs softly, a sorrow in the sound. "Yes, a million, you're right. I'm old, remember, my brain forgets big numbers. Be nice to me or I'll send your Uncle Ben to punish you."
What a threat, he knows, and he laughs a little. "But listen, hm? Get real close to the phone for a second, hm? Hold it extra tight to your ear." He pulls the phone away from his face and turns, pressing the receiver to Allison's chest, and for the first time he looks up at her. Calling might have been a mistake, he realizes, might have brought his sister to pieces when she was already falling apart at the seams from the attack.
But he holds the phone there, over her heart, for a few seconds before he draws back. "Did you hear that? Did you know a heartbeat says a million-million more things than words can say? And your mommy's heartbeat says your name over and over again, which just means we gotta get back there faster, so she can hug you and kiss you and put you in a good old time out for staying up past your bed time. But don't worry, when she has her back turned, I'll sneak you out, pinky promise."
He reaches the hand from her shoulder to tug Allison closer, arm wrapping round her back. "So when you go to bed tonight, make sure your heart says your mommy's name, because we'll be back before you know it. When hearts say names like that, it makes us invincible. Means nothing in the whole wide world will ever tear our family apart. Because you've got your mommy. You've got your daddy. You've got Uncle Ben. You've got me. You have so many names to say you might want to be careful, your heart might grow wings and run off with your favorite stuffed unicorn. I still think it's only pretending to be a doll. It's a real live unicorn when you're not looking."
He lets out a little breath and leans his head against Allison's.
"And if your mommy's voice worked, she'd say I love you, Claire, so, so much. All the way to the moon and back. And you make sure to tell your daddy that, too, hm? But don't you worry. Uncle Klaus will have mommy patched up in a pinch and we'll be on our way back to you soon. I promise, Claire. The biggest pinky promise of all time." And he doesn't know if he's making the promise to Claire or to Allison, or to himself.
The sorrow in Klaus's voice doesn't go unnoticed, and she unconsciously reaches for his hand, giving it a squeeze even if she doesn't dare to look at him. She can't. It's hard to tell if it's for his benefit or for her own, but she already knows that she looks like a mess.
That resolve changes, though, when he presses the receiver against her chest and she looks at him, confused for a moment. Until he explains to Claire what it meant, and fresh tears feel like they pour out of her as she looks away for a moment. Until he pulls her closer, and she hides her face into his shoulder as she cries silently, wrapping her arms around his waist. She knows not calling would have been something she would regret later, that they had done the right thing even if this whole process is agonizing, but it doesn't stop the way it feels like the her heart feels like it twists painfully in her chest, knocking the air right out of her lungs.
"Tell her I love her, too, please," she can hear Claire exclaim. "And I love you, too, Uncle Klaus! Come back soon, okay? I miss you soooo much!"
For a moment she can almost picture her as she says the words, bouncing a little with each one as if it would accentuate what she means by doing so, and a small, sad smile tugs at her lips. God, she misses her daughter so much. She misses Patrick, she misses home. It's all broken now, none of it will ever be the same. She knows that. But she would sell her soul right about now if it meant having more time with them.
It can't end like this, she thinks. This can't be it. This can't be the last time that they hear her. Saying goodbye to her a few days ago, and promising her that they'd be back soon, cannot be the last time they saw her.
A robotic announcement interrupts the phone call, warning that the call will be cut short if they don't additional money isn't inserted for more time, but Allison just nods very slightly against Klaus's shoulder. As if to tell him it's okay, that what he had said is perfect. They need to go. If they want to help Vanya, and attempt to stop this, then they need to go. Not to mention that she can already hear Patrick in the background, trying to coax Claire into giving him the phone, and she doubts either of them are ready for that just yet.
The thought that all of this could end, that everything could come crashing down around them based on how they deal with Vanya? It's horrifying. It makes the robotic voice on the phone feel like a knife between the ribs, separating the two of them from the happy, safe world where Patrick and Claire exist.
"I will tell her a thousand times just for you," he responds, his voice softer than before but just as energetic. "I miss you, too. But the phone's cutting off, turns out Uncle Klaus forgot his purse and he's run right out of coins. Is that your daddy? Make sure to give him a big old hug for us. Tell him we miss him. That we'll be home soon."
The robotic voice warns again and Klaus squeezes Allison, arm curled around her back, holding her tight to him. "But we gotta go, Claire-bear. Chat again soon. Hugs and kisses."
He makes a noisy little kissing sound and pulls the phone away just in time to hear a rustle, to hear Claire parrot his words back to Patrick, and he's never felt more relieved and more guilty in his life for relishing in the sound of the phone clicking back into its dock.
With his other arm free, he reaches to curl it around Allison, holding her snugly against his chest, a hand reaching to cradle the back of her head. "I'm so sorry, Allison," he murmurs, even though his own world feels like its falling apart. But he's going to have to shoulder this, for all of them. Maybe they make it through whatever this apocalypse is, maybe they get to go home. But there's so much to explain, so many hurtles now, even at home.
"I've got you. I'm not letting go, either, so don't even think about leaving." He laughs a tiny bit and presses a kiss to the side of her head. They'll have to get back inside soon, have to return to the circle of who-what-why-when-hows. They'll have to find Vanya and stop her at all costs.
"We'll fix this. I'll find a way. We'll be back home before you know it. I swear, Al, I swear."
Allison can't help but huff out a breath in an almost-laugh when he tells her to not even think about leaving, because that is exactly what she had been thinking of doing. It's Allison's immediate response whenever she falls apart, that innate need to hide whenever her emotions became too much to handle, and considering the situation at hand she can't help it. Waking up without a voice, with her life turned upside down in a matter of hours had already left her shaky, but this? Knowing that this could be the end, that she couldn't even say goodbye to her daughter properly? That her last conversation with her husband had been tense and closed off, because Allison had been trying so hard to put that wall between them just so that she wouldn't be convinced to stay in Los Angeles?
They shouldn't have left. They shouldn't have come. She shouldn't have insisted, they shouldn't have--
But, could they risk the alternative? Leaving Vanya alone in all this? The world would still end, things wouldn't change. They would be blissfully unaware of the shitshow going on here, but which one would be the lesser of both enormous evils?
As she buries her face in her brother's shoulder, her arms still wrapped around him, no sound comes from her cries, but the way that her shoulders shake give her away. It's hard not to - she's in so much pain, she's fucking exhausted, and all she wants is her baby. She feels so goddamned helpless that it is beyond frustrating.
But, at the same time, she knows that she can't stay like this. They can't stay here, just as much as they cannot leave New York. They have to figure this out, right? They have to help Vanya. They have to stop all this. She can't swear it back to him, that she'll do her best so that they can figure this out, because Klaus would also be losing Claire and Patrick just as much as she is, but the resolve in her eyes says it as she looks up at him. Despite the tears in her eyes, there's a steely resolution behind them. She has to. Not even for herself, or for anyone else, but for Claire. They owe it to that little girl that they both adore so damn much.
For a moment she feels how she did when she was a teenager, when her arm stung from the tattoo that Reginald had branded them with, as Klaus comforted her. And, just like on that day, it's as if she suddenly decides that it's pointless to keep crying despite how shitty she may feel, and she wipes the tears away from her eyes. They have too much to do, after all.
Before they can move, though, Allison leans in and kisses her brother on the cheek before she hugs him again. This time it's not as brief or desperate, but it's more to thank him. For doing this, for helping her, for always being there. She doesn't know if they'll have a chance for this again, and she hates that once again she cannot tell him everything she wishes she could say, but maybe in this case it's not so bad. Because, she knows, it would sound too much like a goodbye and she doubts that Klaus would be okay with that.
So, for now, she just hugs him tightly before offering a small, faint nod as if to tell him that she's ready. They have to stop Vanya; they need to go.
Klaus holds her as tight as he can, as though doing so might ease all of her problems, might ward off all the bad things moving in their direction. He wants to close his eyes and will them back to California, where they might be able to find some peace with the little family they've built.
But there isn't an option for that now. They don't get the choice, because now they have to save Vanya, and a tiny part of him hopes that they can. He can't imagine what she's feeling, especially having been locked in the vault. (He'll never forgive Luther, never forgive himself for allowing it to happen. After all, he knows how it feels to be shoved into a container, lost and confused and completely out of control).
Klaus reaches to help dry her tears, thumbs catching a couple stragglers. "We'll figure it out, Allison. I promise."
No matter what he has to do, he will make sure she gets home to Claire and Patrick. He will find a way. As she leans back into hug him, he sighs and curls his arms around her again. A soft, blue light glows in the dim phonebooth. Where she might have only felt Klaus's arms before, she might feel another this time, and Ben's head comes to rest against hers. They don't have long, not before they have to go find Vanya, but there's time for this before they go.
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But then Claire answers the phone, and she can hear Patrick behind her, and it disarms her in a way that she knew it would but still takes her by complete surprise. Her vision blurs from relief, from happiness, from complete and utter helplessness at the fact that they are here and not there, and it's as if she forgets how to breathe.
Hi, baby, she tries to say unconsciously, instinct kicking in before she can even think about it, because it's how she would greet her if these were regular circumstances. Her voice would be fond, warm. Happy. She would playfully remind her it's getting late, she should be getting ready for bed while Claire thoroughly ignored her and told her about all the fun she's having with Daddy, and Allison would smile through her daughter's tales of everything they've been doing the last few days. Because, she already knows, Patrick is spoiling her, trying to keep her entertained and trying to overcompensate for the fact that she's missing two of her favorite people.
There's nothing, though. There is no greeting that she can give, no conversation she can make. No connection she can make with her own daughter. There's no gentle teasing, no asking her how her day is going, what they have been up to. There are so many things she wants to tell her, so many things she wants to say, and ask, and she can't. She doesn't have a voice, and there's not enough time in the world for everything she wants to say, anyway. How can you fit a lifetime worth of moments in just a few minutes?
When she asks about her, Allison has to look away, looking like she might crumble right on the spot. She can hear Claire sighing, before her little voice perks up as she reminds Klaus to give her mommy some soup and tea, just how she had that time that she had been under the weather, and Allison can already picture Patrick in the background. Trying to not look concerned in front of Claire, but his brow furrowing in a way that would give him away if she looked past the smile on his lips.
There's no time for reassurances, though. They're on borrowed time. They need to stop Vanya. They need to try to stop the apocalypse, if they want to get back to that little girl on the other end of the phone.
'Please tell her I love her,' she writes, her hands shaking slightly. From the heartbreak, from the grief of it all. From the deep sense of longing she's being hit with as her arms ache for her daughter, and the realization that if they don't stop this tonight, she will never be able to hold her again. 'And I'm sorry, for not being there tonight to hug her, and sing to her, and read her a bedtime story, but we'll be back soon. And I can't wait to hold her again.'
She almost feels sick at the reminder that it might not be true, that they may never be back. This might all end tonight, but right now she just needs to cling to the belief that maybe they can make it because the alternative is unbearable to even consider.
no subject
Klaus squeezes Allison's shoulder, but he doesn't look at her face. He can't. He know the moment he sees her that his resolve will break, and he's grateful, in a way, that it's Claire who's answered the phone. This conversation can't go on forever, after all, even if neither of them want to stop hearing the soft, sweet voice of the girl on the other side.
If they don't stop Vanya, save Vanya, the world might end and that little voice will be silenced forever.
"Oh, but Claire-bear, she wanted me to tell you just how much she loves you though. Remember the big, wide ocean we saw at Mr. Tony's house? She loves you ten times more than that. What?" He pauses, listening to the other line, and laughs softly, a sorrow in the sound. "Yes, a million, you're right. I'm old, remember, my brain forgets big numbers. Be nice to me or I'll send your Uncle Ben to punish you."
What a threat, he knows, and he laughs a little. "But listen, hm? Get real close to the phone for a second, hm? Hold it extra tight to your ear." He pulls the phone away from his face and turns, pressing the receiver to Allison's chest, and for the first time he looks up at her. Calling might have been a mistake, he realizes, might have brought his sister to pieces when she was already falling apart at the seams from the attack.
But he holds the phone there, over her heart, for a few seconds before he draws back. "Did you hear that? Did you know a heartbeat says a million-million more things than words can say? And your mommy's heartbeat says your name over and over again, which just means we gotta get back there faster, so she can hug you and kiss you and put you in a good old time out for staying up past your bed time. But don't worry, when she has her back turned, I'll sneak you out, pinky promise."
He reaches the hand from her shoulder to tug Allison closer, arm wrapping round her back. "So when you go to bed tonight, make sure your heart says your mommy's name, because we'll be back before you know it. When hearts say names like that, it makes us invincible. Means nothing in the whole wide world will ever tear our family apart. Because you've got your mommy. You've got your daddy. You've got Uncle Ben. You've got me. You have so many names to say you might want to be careful, your heart might grow wings and run off with your favorite stuffed unicorn. I still think it's only pretending to be a doll. It's a real live unicorn when you're not looking."
He lets out a little breath and leans his head against Allison's.
"And if your mommy's voice worked, she'd say I love you, Claire, so, so much. All the way to the moon and back. And you make sure to tell your daddy that, too, hm? But don't you worry. Uncle Klaus will have mommy patched up in a pinch and we'll be on our way back to you soon. I promise, Claire. The biggest pinky promise of all time." And he doesn't know if he's making the promise to Claire or to Allison, or to himself.
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That resolve changes, though, when he presses the receiver against her chest and she looks at him, confused for a moment. Until he explains to Claire what it meant, and fresh tears feel like they pour out of her as she looks away for a moment. Until he pulls her closer, and she hides her face into his shoulder as she cries silently, wrapping her arms around his waist. She knows not calling would have been something she would regret later, that they had done the right thing even if this whole process is agonizing, but it doesn't stop the way it feels like the her heart feels like it twists painfully in her chest, knocking the air right out of her lungs.
"Tell her I love her, too, please," she can hear Claire exclaim. "And I love you, too, Uncle Klaus! Come back soon, okay? I miss you soooo much!"
For a moment she can almost picture her as she says the words, bouncing a little with each one as if it would accentuate what she means by doing so, and a small, sad smile tugs at her lips. God, she misses her daughter so much. She misses Patrick, she misses home. It's all broken now, none of it will ever be the same. She knows that. But she would sell her soul right about now if it meant having more time with them.
It can't end like this, she thinks. This can't be it. This can't be the last time that they hear her. Saying goodbye to her a few days ago, and promising her that they'd be back soon, cannot be the last time they saw her.
A robotic announcement interrupts the phone call, warning that the call will be cut short if they don't additional money isn't inserted for more time, but Allison just nods very slightly against Klaus's shoulder. As if to tell him it's okay, that what he had said is perfect. They need to go. If they want to help Vanya, and attempt to stop this, then they need to go. Not to mention that she can already hear Patrick in the background, trying to coax Claire into giving him the phone, and she doubts either of them are ready for that just yet.
no subject
"I will tell her a thousand times just for you," he responds, his voice softer than before but just as energetic. "I miss you, too. But the phone's cutting off, turns out Uncle Klaus forgot his purse and he's run right out of coins. Is that your daddy? Make sure to give him a big old hug for us. Tell him we miss him. That we'll be home soon."
The robotic voice warns again and Klaus squeezes Allison, arm curled around her back, holding her tight to him. "But we gotta go, Claire-bear. Chat again soon. Hugs and kisses."
He makes a noisy little kissing sound and pulls the phone away just in time to hear a rustle, to hear Claire parrot his words back to Patrick, and he's never felt more relieved and more guilty in his life for relishing in the sound of the phone clicking back into its dock.
With his other arm free, he reaches to curl it around Allison, holding her snugly against his chest, a hand reaching to cradle the back of her head. "I'm so sorry, Allison," he murmurs, even though his own world feels like its falling apart. But he's going to have to shoulder this, for all of them. Maybe they make it through whatever this apocalypse is, maybe they get to go home. But there's so much to explain, so many hurtles now, even at home.
"I've got you. I'm not letting go, either, so don't even think about leaving." He laughs a tiny bit and presses a kiss to the side of her head. They'll have to get back inside soon, have to return to the circle of who-what-why-when-hows. They'll have to find Vanya and stop her at all costs.
"We'll fix this. I'll find a way. We'll be back home before you know it. I swear, Al, I swear."
no subject
They shouldn't have left. They shouldn't have come. She shouldn't have insisted, they shouldn't have--
But, could they risk the alternative? Leaving Vanya alone in all this? The world would still end, things wouldn't change. They would be blissfully unaware of the shitshow going on here, but which one would be the lesser of both enormous evils?
As she buries her face in her brother's shoulder, her arms still wrapped around him, no sound comes from her cries, but the way that her shoulders shake give her away. It's hard not to - she's in so much pain, she's fucking exhausted, and all she wants is her baby. She feels so goddamned helpless that it is beyond frustrating.
But, at the same time, she knows that she can't stay like this. They can't stay here, just as much as they cannot leave New York. They have to figure this out, right? They have to help Vanya. They have to stop all this. She can't swear it back to him, that she'll do her best so that they can figure this out, because Klaus would also be losing Claire and Patrick just as much as she is, but the resolve in her eyes says it as she looks up at him. Despite the tears in her eyes, there's a steely resolution behind them. She has to. Not even for herself, or for anyone else, but for Claire. They owe it to that little girl that they both adore so damn much.
For a moment she feels how she did when she was a teenager, when her arm stung from the tattoo that Reginald had branded them with, as Klaus comforted her. And, just like on that day, it's as if she suddenly decides that it's pointless to keep crying despite how shitty she may feel, and she wipes the tears away from her eyes. They have too much to do, after all.
Before they can move, though, Allison leans in and kisses her brother on the cheek before she hugs him again. This time it's not as brief or desperate, but it's more to thank him. For doing this, for helping her, for always being there. She doesn't know if they'll have a chance for this again, and she hates that once again she cannot tell him everything she wishes she could say, but maybe in this case it's not so bad. Because, she knows, it would sound too much like a goodbye and she doubts that Klaus would be okay with that.
So, for now, she just hugs him tightly before offering a small, faint nod as if to tell him that she's ready. They have to stop Vanya; they need to go.
had to sneak in one tag for a cute closer ok;
But there isn't an option for that now. They don't get the choice, because now they have to save Vanya, and a tiny part of him hopes that they can. He can't imagine what she's feeling, especially having been locked in the vault. (He'll never forgive Luther, never forgive himself for allowing it to happen. After all, he knows how it feels to be shoved into a container, lost and confused and completely out of control).
Klaus reaches to help dry her tears, thumbs catching a couple stragglers. "We'll figure it out, Allison. I promise."
No matter what he has to do, he will make sure she gets home to Claire and Patrick. He will find a way. As she leans back into hug him, he sighs and curls his arms around her again. A soft, blue light glows in the dim phonebooth. Where she might have only felt Klaus's arms before, she might feel another this time, and Ben's head comes to rest against hers. They don't have long, not before they have to go find Vanya, but there's time for this before they go.